How important is it to love one’s body?
Body image has a strong direct impact on one’s mental state, but loving your body is not necessary for a healthy body image.
Body positivity is a common term, and it's certainly better than “body negativity” –which for the sake of this blog post I’ll define as acting on the feeling of dislike of our bodies. Examples of “body negativity” include talking badly about our bodies, restricting our intake in order to try to shrink our bodies, forcing ourselves to exercise past the point of extreme discomfort or pain, among other things, in response to a feeling of body dissatisfaction,
Yeah, ‘body positivity’ is preferable to “body negativity”, in my opinion. But more than that I prefer the terms–and the concepts–body neutrality, or body respect, or body kindness.
Body neutrality expresses ‘my body is not something super important about me. I don't have to love it, and I certainly don’t have to love all of it all of the time.’ Body neutrality leaves room for the reality that most people do feel a certain 'wishing it were different' about their body, at some point or another; what matters is how they respond to that feeling, as well as how viscerally it affects them.
On the podcast Understanding Disordered Eating, Alexis Conasan says, “My body is an instrument, not an ornament.”
That line describes a belief that is foundational to the pursuit of body neutrality.
It is completely normal not to love your body. It is completely normal to wish some of your features were different. If you relate to your body as an ornament, you will ceaselessly pursue the molding and shaping of it to fit the perfect image of a body in your mind. If you relate to your body as an instrument, you will recognize and appreciate it for what it does enable you to do, and accept the things it is not.
Body respect and body kindness lean into the idea that my body is my ally. My body is my #1 teammate. Anything I want to accomplish in this life, I cannot accomplish without my body. And therefore, I should act towards my body with respect and kindness. This might look like, not constantly berating or criticizing my body--inwardly or outwardly; paying attention to and honoring my body's messages that it is hungry, or full, or wants rest, or movement. Trusting that my body is not 'out to sabotage me'; working with my body and not against it.
The body image toolbox is your easy-access kit for those days when you don’t feel good in your body.
You wish you were skinnier, you wish you were more toned, you wish you could buy all of the clothes you admire on the model and like what you see in the mirror.
Those feelings are valid, they are real, they are okay, and they are normal.
You feel how you feel. What will you do next?
Acknowledge. First things first, acknowledge these feelings. Allow yourself to feel this way, without trying to pretend them away. “The only way out is through” applies here.
Your choice of clothing matters. Today it’s important to wear loose, comfortable clothing. Even if that means changing your outfit. The extra few minutes to put on something that is loose and comfortable will enable you to not focus on your body constantly throughout the day.
Attitude of Gratitude. You can feel upset by your body size or shape, and also recognize that your body serves you well.* Take a few minutes to write down 5-10 things that your body enables you to do today (whether or not you like how it looks doing it). Some examples include, ‘my body enables me to see the beautiful sky, to taste the iced coffee I enjoy, to hear the song I love, to see my children’s faces”, etc.
Recognize that it’s not all bad. While the attitude of gratitude exercise focuses on the idea that our body is worth so much more than what it looks like, this tool helps us recognize that there are some aspects of our physical appearance that we do, in fact, like. Be it the color of your eyes, the shape of your fingers, the tone of your skin, the texture of your hair, your smile, etc., find something that you like about the way you look. If you have a hard time coming up with anything, ask someone who loves you; they’ll surely be able to come up with something about your appearance that is beautiful.
Move a little. This is not an invitation to force yourself to do a high-intensity workout that you hate. It doesn’t have to feel like torture (or even make you break a sweat!) for you to reap the benefits of physical activity. Take a walk outside, do a short YouTube dance workout, do a few minutes of stretches you enjoy, whatever. Physical activity can help you focus on what your body can do, releases endorphins (the ‘feel-good’ hormones), aids your digestive system, and more. (Remember, intentions are important. When you find your thoughts drifting to thoughts of calorie-burning or waist-shrinking during your exercising, review the various benefits of exercise that are not related to weight loss in your mind. Rinse and repeat.)
Commit to caring for your body no matter how you feel. Remember, even when you’re not feeling fond of its appearance, your body is showing up for you in this moment. Your body is enabling you to read this right now. Whatever it is you want to accomplish today, you can’t do it without your body. Your body is your ally, and it relies on you to nourish it. Remember, food = energy, and your body needs fuel today (ie: regular meals and snacks) whether you like how it looks or not.
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