“Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime.” -Unknown
This quote encompasses the worth of the Division of Responsibility in Feeding.
Diet culture has conditioned so many people to hold a warped, overly simplistic view of food and weight. Good foods vs bad foods, calories in vs calories out, healthy vs unhealthy.
Recently, a friend mentioned to me in conversation, “I won’t be able to control what <her child> eats forever, so at least let me make sure that she doesn’t have so much junk food now, while I still can.”
I hear her. I really do. I am not advocating throwing candy at our children, and certainly not using candy or other sweets as a means of reward, and I appreciate so much when my child’s teacher agrees with this.
That being said, my friend’s statement perfectly encapsulates the short-sighted approach to providing our children with the best possible nutrition that diet culture has led many parents to believe is the only way.
A more worthwhile goal in feeding our children for the long term is: providing our children with nutritionally balanced options while encouraging them to tune in to their hunger and fullness cues.
Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility (sDOR) provides this other option. It is a long-term approach, and it requires parents to relinquish lots of deeply held beliefs about food and bodies, and make many mindset shifts regarding what to focus on (and what not to). These changes are challenging, there is no denying that. But the payoff is tremendous: implementing sDOR in your home will lead to calmer, more connected mealtimes as well as children who grow up with a healthy relationship with all foods and who grow normally for their bodies. They will have the greatest chance of pursuing healthy habits related to food and activity both physically, mentally, and emotionally. They will relate to the nutritional and emotional benefits of food in a positive, uncharged way. Food will be yet another tool, for nourishment, creativity, comfort, and connection.
In a nutshell, sDOR (as its’ name implies) divides food-related roles between parent and child, and urges parents to keep these separations clear. The parent is responsible for what, when, and where the child eats; the child is in charge of whether and how much to eat of what the parent has provided. A pediatrician I know dubbed Satter’s Division of Reponsibility breakdown into the more catchy phrase: “You provide, the child decides.”
Some examples of behaviors that parents traditionally engage in, as encouraged and upheld by diet culture’s black and white thinking surrounding food are:
“If you eat your chicken/vegetables you can have dessert” / “You must finish what’s on your plate before you can have cake”
“Please take 3 more bites before you leave the table”
“That’s enough potatoes, if you’re still hungry have more green beans”
All of these scenarios depict a parent desperate to get some nutritious food (protein, vegetables, etc) into their child right now. With these tactics, they will succeed at that goal. But the goal itself needs to be examined further: is it a worthwhile goal in the long run? Looking down the line, what are the thought processes engendered by these behaviors?
“Chicken/vegetables are bland, somewhat annoying and icky, but I must endure them in order to have the really good stuff-the candy and sweets. That’s what I really like. When there’s no adult micromanaging my intake, you can bet I’ll be eating lots and lots of sweets, because I can!!
“I’m really feeling quite full now, or not very in the mood of this chicken, but I guess I’ll just force down those 3 bites and get it over with so I can leave the table and get on with my evening. Never mind that uncomfortable feeling in my belly, I’ve got to listen to Mom/Dad.”
“Potatoes must not be good for me. Maybe something’s wrong with me that I really want to eat so many potatoes. I guess I’ll take care not to eat so many when other people are around.” (Inevitably will eat more when others are not around.)
Though these scenarios are clearly not beneficial to the child’s dietary intake, they are all too common in children–and adults. Implementing sDOR in our homes will provide our children with the tools they need to tune in to their hunger and fullness cues and eat the way that is right for them long after they leave our tables.
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