Thinner. Does. Not. Equal. Healthier. The truth is, when someone appears thinner, we have no idea how they lost weight. It may have been due to a physical illness, an eating disorder, crippling anxiety or grief, or a number of other painful circumstances. All of these circumstances are greater than the weight loss they resulted in, but so often the weight loss is the most noticed feature. Many of us have heard people tell of their experiences recovering from illness, and people’s primary remark to them was, “But wow! You look amazing! You must be so happy you lost all that weight! I’m jealous!” Depending on the speaker (I’m thinking of Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky and Bari Mitzmann (of IG influencer fame @barianna )), you may even be chuckling when they tell these stories. But beyond the laughter, these stories are telling of a very sad truth in our society: We really have gotten used to thinness being valued above all else. Together we can make small, consistent changes so that this ‘abnormal normal’ won’t always be considered normal. Starting with, not commenting on someone’s body, at all, ever.
But what if people will be offended if you don't compliment their weight loss?
That's a real concern, since many people do, indeed, wait for people to comment.
But let's dig a little deeper. Why do they wait for someone to comment on their weight loss?
Because they have been conditioned to believe--as so many of us have--that they are better now that they have lost weight. They are more beautiful, more productive, more successful, more disciplined, more admirable.
They've worked to achieve those things--success, admiration, productivity, beauty--in the way that society has taught them.
Not complimenting them for their results might seem offensive, to them, and even to us! But what if we reframe it? Instead of acknowledging their "newfound", short term (because we know 95% of people regain lost weight), subjective success, how about we make one small effort now--not complimenting someone on their weight loss--to help bring about real change.
We worry that someone might be offended when another doesn't acknowledge his weight loss, but what if instead we chose to be offended at the notion that that person--any person-- had to lose weight to feel successful, beautiful, productive, admirable? What if we chose to be offended at the thought that the size or shape of one's body is anyone else's business to comment on?
I don't like offending people, but I'm offended by the thought of my kids growing up in a world where it's considered 'less than' to be fat and where what others think of my body drives me to do things that are less than beneficial for my physical or mental health.
Everything in life is a trade-off, they say. What do you think?
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